Wine for Peasants

Basically, I have enough wine bottles to do this everywhere… I could also make one of those really cool wine bottle chandeliers. Drink to much?

Basically, I have enough wine bottles to do this everywhere… I could also make one of those really cool wine bottle chandeliers. Drink to much?

This is a peasant wine cellar… in case you were wondering. It is right next to my keg-orator… bahahahaha but really?

This is a peasant wine cellar… in case you were wondering. It is right next to my keg-orator… bahahahaha but really?

I need this for my awesome wine serving abilities. I want everyone to know that their wine is coming from Little A’s prestigious cellar. 

I need this for my awesome wine serving abilities. I want everyone to know that their wine is coming from Little A’s prestigious cellar. 

Bitch Wine Please.

Total Wine find of the week: Bitch Wine. 

Don’t mind my awesome living room. Focus on the label… pure elegance. Note the “t”… it is a dagger… Bad Ass? I think yes especially when the border alternates hearts and daggers. Bitch Imma stab you in da heart with this wine. Because it was love for me at least. I might import it by the crate from Spain (who knew betches from Spain were saucy!). 

But just when you think it can’t get any better… 

A wine after my own heart. 

Honestly who cares what it tastes like? I don’t remember? 

I give this wine: (that is redneck wine glasses in case you were curious)

When I Went Wino.

Dear Total Wine, 

    I love to go to your stores and buy cheap ($11.00) bottles of wine and then take them to Coquette (swanky hoighty-toighty French restaurante) and force them to serve me with their finest stemware. 

Judge me please. I am clearly a boss. 

I mean this is a real upgrade from when I was underage and friends with the cheapest non-jews ever. When I went to Beach Music at North Hills with them we would scoff at the idiots paying $8.00 for a Bud Light and tell them how absurd they are. Why buy crappy beer when you can have all the classiness in the world in a bottle or five of wine. 

Where might you ask can you get wine wasted at North Hills and not spend boat loads of money? Oh… the parking deck. 

Two tips when you decide to get drunk in a parking deck. One, make sure you have a wine opener. If not send your most idiotic friend to buy a bottle opener from Target. But in the meantime let your other macho friend try to open the bottle with his keys, pocket knife, straw, and pens, only to slit his hand open and bleed all over my car. NBD. 

But anyway nothing tops the feeling of listening to the Embers wine wasted and doing so on a peasant’s budget. Thus begins my experience looking for the cheapest and best wines in the WORLD. 

So thank you Total Wine, Harris Teeter, Food Simba, and Target for enabling my wino status. 

Sincerely, 

   -Peasant